by jappybe
This is….
Getting ridiculous, I’m finding it hard to sleep and when I do sleep I keep having these dreams, sometimes odd and weird sometimes just plain out there or terrifying, I can’t get her out of my head which is stupid because she’s just a memory and I doubt I’ll ever find her and even if I do she probably wont remember me or want to talk to me. Yet a part of me the part that keeps me awake sometimes keeps convincing me not to give up to keep trying.
Yet I also feel like I’m losing my grasp on reality, nothing really seems real these days. Things that happened recently feel like they happened Months or Years ago and things that happened a while ago seem like centuries or more, sometimes I wonder if they really happened at all. What if this person I remember is nothing but a memory I dreamed up? Although if it was would my Parent’s know who I’m on about?
Bleh I dun know anymore everything’s weird, job’s going quite well though and I’m learning to get along with my co-workers too which is awesome I guess.
Sorry for ranting, this seems to be my place of rants now.
How Sad
Looking for someone I can give my heart too, It’s not much, it’s pretty broken and it may never resemble a heart again but each piece contains my love and I’d be happy to have anyone willing to accept such a gift and maybe find it within themselves to love me too.
I know I ask for a lot but I just want to be loved
Hmm
I don’t really know how to start this or what to say, I guess the underlining thing is I need help, not for myself (for once) well in a way it is I guess.
You see about 2 weeks ago I remembered something and someone and now I kinda can’t stop thinking about her and wondering what happened. Our Mum’s used to run cubs/beavers and thus we would sometimes hang around with each other, I remember woods and looking for acorns with her, I remember spending time in her back yard with her while our parent’s talk. I don’t however remember why that stopped and why she was suddenly gone.
I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to remember and try to find her and I know the chances of anything happening from this our pretty much zilch but really I would do anything to tell her I remember her, to see if she remembers me and to just say hi. I mean she’s probably married by now 24 seems the right sort of age to at least start thinking about such things.
I remember her name is Sarah but my Mum had to tell me her last name and I’m not sure if it’s right but I think it is/was Holdaway, Sarah Holdaway her Mother is called Heather and she has a Brother named Chris.
God I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know if I’ll ever make contact with her, it’s just I don’t know she really means something to me it seems.
v_v
Perhaps
I guess the reason it hurts so much is because I thought I’d finally have a Birthday worth remembering that for once I’d have a wish come true. And I know you can come after and that maybe we can celebrate then but well I’m not sure how to word it but I hope you’ll understand. This whole waiting and having my hopes raised just for them to be crushed is hurting me really bad and I know it’s probably stupid considering we plan to spend the rest of our life’s together and stuff but really are we going to make it, is it really fair for you to come study at Portsmouth just for me? I can’t live without you but I can’t live with things as they are and for that I am truly sorry.
There’s so much I want to say and do but it’s all so meaningless without you, my only wish is to have you with me but for a long long time that doesn’t seem like it’s possible, there’s always stuff you’ll need to do, always commitments you can’t get out of and it’s unfair of me to be so selfish and demand so much I just don’t know what i’m doing and needed to vent I guess?
So 2
Do I once again step into the battle of the written word, so two do I once again take a brave step into the breach of it all in the hopes that I might achieve that which I have always sought or to more accurately put it I’m very bored and just feel like writing a bit and as such anyone who reads this will have to go through a lot of words to try and find my point, if there is indeed a point.
Mind you there always is but most people don’t find it, if you’ve even made it this far without getting bored or distracted I’ll be quite impressed seeing as I’ve basically gone a long way to pretty much say nothing of interest what so ever, then again some people like to read and the contents aren’t important to them just the fact they have something to read is what matters.
I’m lucky in the way that I may not have many friend’s I don’t even have that many I’m close with out of those friend’s but there’s 1 who’s come back into my life whom I’m pretty close with again and a new one whom I pretty much love and I don’t know why. Also Juju knows quite a lot about me well actually those 3 know the most I guess?
Anyways that doesn’t matter what matters is here I am writing my extravagant post about how I’ve fallen for a Purty Awesome girl who rocks my World and makes me feel so very special. And my love for Kate for coming back into my life again because we have like the same sort of issues and stuff and my love for Juju for being an awesome friend who’s been there since the beginning of my time online pretty much.
You may ask yourself why does this matter to you, well the answer is simply it doesn’t I never even suggested it did, I only suggested that you may find it interesting.
ilu Miss Purty and I’m terribly sorry for that <3
