I guess the reason it hurts so much is because I thought I’d finally have a Birthday worth remembering that for once I’d have a wish come true. And I know you can come after and that maybe we can celebrate then but well I’m not sure how to word it but I hope you’ll understand. This whole waiting and having my hopes raised just for them to be crushed is hurting me really bad and I know it’s probably stupid considering we plan to spend the rest of our life’s together and stuff but really are we going to make it, is it really fair for you to come study at Portsmouth just for me? I can’t live without you but I can’t live with things as they are and for that I am truly sorry.
There’s so much I want to say and do but it’s all so meaningless without you, my only wish is to have you with me but for a long long time that doesn’t seem like it’s possible, there’s always stuff you’ll need to do, always commitments you can’t get out of and it’s unfair of me to be so selfish and demand so much I just don’t know what i’m doing and needed to vent I guess?